so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
