I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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