Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
