Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
