I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
