dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
