I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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