Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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