Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
