More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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