Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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