Kiss
Puke
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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