if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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