A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
