remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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