My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
