there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
