I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
