Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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