he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
