Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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