I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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