don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
