Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
