You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
