if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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