dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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