Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
