The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
