It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Barsexuality is the new black.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
