someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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