your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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