I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
