walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
