The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
