i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
