turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
