After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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