i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
