im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
