After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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