I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
