My liver just broke up with me...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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