idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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