When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
