In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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