The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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