Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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