arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
