I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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